Happy holidays!

Oh christmas tree... surrounded by art and books.

The dude.... looking like your stern father.

Potential conversation: "Dad? Um... I don't know how to tell you this but... um... I crashed the car. Yeah, it was totally not my fault... Joey texted me right as I was turning left into the liquor store and my cigarette butt fell on my lap... Yeah, the car blew up..."

As if inflatable holiday decorations weren't trashy enough.

Inspiration for the day

Usually I hate these kinds of things, but this one is so pretty that I actually don't dislike it. I actually may kind of like it.

OPRAH BLOW OUT

A combination of my two favorite things: wine and christmas

My tacky birthday

After last year, which consisted of a snowstorm and crying about turning a quarter of a century, it could only get better. Thanks to some amazing friends, it was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.  I broke my camera, which is probably good since some of us may want to run for president one day. But I stole some of these from friends. So here are some blurry pictures of a blurry night.

Yes, that cake has a picture of me wearing a bib dress with puffy sleeves. Can you believe someone gave that to Goodwill?!

Bacon flavored diet coke

health(ier) diet soda selection + worst fatty food = crazy awesome

Best verbal exchange ever?

Boyfriend: You know what Mickey Mouse says... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And if you can't join 'em, fuck 'em.
Me: I'm pretty sure Mickey didn't say that.
Boyfriend: Oh he did. Its in Fantasia.
Me: Nope.
Boyfriend: Yeah, the mop scene.

Troy from Community and I have the same birthday.

TOP 10 BEST CHRISTMAS STORY QUOTES

10. "NADDAFINGA!" - the dad (running out to get the glue)
    and "You used up all the glue ON PURPOSE"
  No words. NO. WORDS. 
   
9. Ralphie: "I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!"
    Everyone: "No, you'll shoot your eye out."
 Yes, the best kinds of toys for children are the ones where you might loose a body part.


8. "My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master." - Ralphie

   I love how parents tell their kids not to use profanity and then have mouths like a sewer. 

7.  "Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!" -the dad:
    I might name my first dog Bumpuses just so I can sound like a deranged old man when I yell for him in public. 


6.  "Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense." - Ralphie
    Well, it's not like you can do mixed martial arts in a onesie snowsuit. It's not like you can be considered part of acceptable society either. 


5.  "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window. "- Ralphie, retreating to go listen to little orphan Annie.
 This quote stands true as most men can still be tempted AWAY from sex by a ginger. 


4. "Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf. " - the kid brother, Randy
  Me too, kid. Meatloaf sucks. I don't blame this kid for eating like a piggy one bit. A mound of processed meat? Gross.


3. "He look's like a deranged easter bunny... He looks like a pink nightmare." -The dad
   We all used to get THAT gift. The one you wouldn't be caught wearing. The one that made you shake in terror every time you saw a clothing box under the tree. I still get shivers this very day when I see a rectangular box under the tree. 


2. "Deck the harrs with boughs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra." -the waiters at the Chinese restaurant 

Last year, we spent Christmas day at a Chinese restaurant and I sang this like an idiot. I have no regrets.

1. "FUUUUUUUUUUUDGE" - Ralphie

   And my swear word of choice from age 7 to 10. Or at least until my best friend convinced me that "Puck" was a swear word... I live in the north where everyone plays hockey, so I thought they were swearing every time they said puck. TRUE STORY.